I ♥ Joel

Jun. 19th, 2009 02:03 am
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JOEL: I'd shower with my socks on if they wouldn't get moldy. I have this thing about getting totally naked. I feel so totally . . .

FREUD: Exposed?

JOEL: Exactly! I mean, I want to be spontaneous, I do! But I have this thing about analyzing my every move, and premeditated spontaneity is about as exhilarating as getting the measles twice.

FREUD: Elaborate, please.

JOEL: Ok, let's take O'Connell, for example. I mean, Jules plies her with alcoholic beverages, instinctively tells her everything he knows she wants to hear. Flatters her, charms her, and then sticks his tongue down her throat before she has a chance to say "ahh." I mean, me, do I want her as badly as Jules? Absolutely. But do I pin her against the wall, pressing my chest against her chest, thrusting my hips against her hips? I mean, do I?

FREUD: Do you?

JOEL: Me? Yeah, Joel Fleischman. Are you kidding? No way. I tell her it would never work out because we have nothing in common. Because I hate everything that she likes. And in return for my forthrightness and honesty, I get at best, if ever, her grudging respect. When, like Jules, what I really want is to lick her naked body from head to foot like a postage stamp. Did I mention that I used to collect stamps as a kid?

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